Drink joke

1,a husband drunk,went home late, always scolded by his wife.
One day, he came back much later than usual, and he carefully took off his shoes at the door,then crept to the child's cradle, humming a lullaby,and pushed the cradle.
His wife listened his voice, asked: "What are you doing?"
"Oh, you really not well!" He blamed his wife, "how do you become a mother? Child crying for over an hour, crying tired. I have rocking him."
"Are you kidding?" Said the woman, "The children have been sleeping on my side more than two hour."

3, An alcoholic met a friend, to pester to go to the friend's house to drink.
Friend said: "My family is too far."
"Never mind,not more than twenty or thirty miles."
"My family is very narrow, not well to hospitality."
"Can have a place to open my mouth just ok."
"My family did not have glass."
"I used to drink a whole bottle!"