there is no chicken egg

A manager of a cinema regularly to a restaurant to eat ,each time did not pay after eating,but repay a debt with a few movie tickets.

One day, he went to the restaurant again and ordered a fried egg ,but restaurant owners said:"There is no chicken egg".

Manager exclaimed: "Why not have egg?"

The boss said: "all of chickens see a movie, and  have no spare time to lay eggs!"

arrogant people

There was a arrogant man that refused to let people.

One day, he was walking down the street,one person came across and did not to give way.

He certainly would not allow, so two people face to face on stalemate.

After a long time, this man's father came to him and anxiously asked him:
"why do you stand here, the family wait you buy rice to cook!"

Son: "I can not go,he do not give me this way!"

Father: "you can go for buying rice, I am standing here for you and see who at the last road give way!"

a new stores opening

A new store opening, neither the signs or unknown name, only put a beautiful antique clock in the window.

One day, a man came in and demanded  repair the watch."I'm sorry! This is not the watch store." Boss said, "We are branch of  next door's  hospital and exclusively devote  to the hemorrhoid surgery."

 Men not understood the answered: "is not a watch store, why window place antique clock?"

 Boss was staring at him, said: "What do you think what we put in the window? Ass ?"

a wealthy man and his wife

A wealthy man to travel,when sleep at night, offen dreamed of his wife love by stealth with a young man.
One day, he finally sent a telegram to the family. After the maid received ,she quickly read it to the hostess: "master said: 'I get a message that after I left, every

night there was a young man come to our family. In order to identify the authenticity, I will immediately go home' . "
Rich man's wife hear this and fear of exposing things of romantic, panicky.
Suddenly,she show happy expression,said to the maid : "Honey, there are ways, you say that young man is come to find you!"
Maid listen, quickly said: "I ​​can not do! if master know, will be more angry."

student activity

Bob was called to the office,and the teacher touched his head: Bob, your father own a company? Bob nodded.

Teacher:we have a  student activity,let your dad support we?
 
Bob went home and said that, parents sigh: Well, no method ,give 5000!
 
Bob go home the next day and said:  teacher say  do  student activity better .......
 
Father suddenly stood up and said: What, is simply kidnapping, I am now losing money too!
 
Mother quickly press the father : that's no way, the children in the hands of others.

complaining wife

One pair of couples who married four decades-old in  conversation.

His wife complained: "You do not good to me before, before you always sit next to me."

Her husband replied: "This is easy to handle." Then immediately moved to sit beside her.

"But in the past you always tight around me."

"This okay?" He grabbed his wife's neck.

"Do you remember how to kiss my neck, bite my ears?"

He is suddenly jumping up out the door.

Wife hurriedly asked: "Where are you going?"

Her husband replied: "I ​​have to pick my dentures."

Customer queries

In Rio de Janeiro, a passenger sitting in a taxi and ask the driver's: "I ​​hear you there drive the car's speed amazing, but rarely have an accident, this is why?" "It's very simple." driver said:" Who do not high technology,  had died in a car accident."

carelessly husband

Mr Geir holded the dog back home from the veterinarian. He sighed and said to his wife: "our pitiful dog, it has been bray along the way,like some thing to say to me!" His wife looked at the dog, exclaimed: "Idiot! Only the dog probably trying to tell you, it is very simply it does not know you. "

Regular Expressions as a Language

Unless you've had some experience with regular expressions, you won't understand the regular expression ^(From|Subject): from the last example, but there's nothing magic about it. For that matter, there is nothing magic about magic. The magician merely understands something simple which doesn't appear to be simple or natural to the untrained audience. Once you learn how to hold a card while making your hand look empty, you only need practice before you, too, can "do magic." Like a foreign language once you learn it, it stops sounding like gibberish.

1.2.1. The Filename Analogy

Since you have decided to use this book, you probably have at least some idea of just what a "regular expression" is. Even if you don't, you are almost certainly already familiar with the basic concept.

You know that report.txt is a specific filename, but if you have had any experience with Unix or DOS/Windows, you also know that the pattern "*.txt" can be used to select multiple files. With filename patterns like this (called file globs or wildcards), a few characters have special meaning. The star means "match anything," and a question mark means "match any one character." So, with the file glob "*.txt," we start with a match-anything * and end with the literal .txt, so we end up with a pattern that means "select the files whose names start with anything and end with .txt".

Most systems provide a few additional special characters, but, in general, these filename patterns are limited in expressive power. This is not much of a shortcoming because the scope of the problem (to provide convenient ways to specify groups of files) is limited, well, simply to filenames.

On the other hand, dealing with general text is a much larger problem. Prose and poetry, program listings, reports, HTML, code tables, word lists... you name it, if a particular need is specific enough, such as "selecting files," you can develop some kind of specialized scheme or tool to help you accomplish it. However, over the years, a generalized pattern language has developed, which is powerful and expressive for a wide variety of uses. Each program implements and uses them differently, but in general, this powerful pattern language and the patterns themselves are called regular expressions.

1.2.2. The Language Analogy

Full regular expressions are composed of two types of characters. The special characters (like the * from the filename analogy) are called metacharacters, while the rest are called literal, or normal text characters. What sets regular expressions apart from filename patterns are the advanced expressive powers that their metacharacters provide. Filename patterns provide limited metacharacters for limited needs, but a regular expression "language" provides rich and expressive metacharacters for advanced uses.

It might help to consider regular expressions as their own language, with literal text acting as the words and metacharacters as the grammar. The words are combined with grammar according to a set of rules to create an expression that communicates an idea. In the email example, the expression I used to find lines beginning with 'From:' or 'Subject:' was . The metacharacters are underlined; we'll get to their interpretation soon.

As with learning any other language, regular expressions might seem intimidating at first. This is why it seems like magic to those with only a superficial understanding, and perhaps completely unapproachable to those who have never seen it at all. But, just as !would soon become clear to a student of Japanese, the regular expression in

 "Regular expressions are easy!" A somewhat humorous comment about this: as Chapter 3 explains, the term regular expression originally comes from formal algebra. When people ask me what my book is about, the answer "regular expressions" draws a blank face if they are not already familiar with the concept. The Japanese word for regular expression, , means as little to the average Japanese as its English counterpart, but my reply in Japanese usually draws a bit more than a blank stare. You see, the "regular" part is unfortunately pronounced identically to a much more common word, a medical term for "reproductive organs." You can only imagine what flashes through their minds until I explain!

s!<emphasis>([0-9]+(\.[0-9]+){3})</emphasis>!<inet>$1</inet>!

will soon become crystal clear to you, too.

This example is from a Perl language script that my editor used to modify a manuscript. The author had mistakenly used the typesetting tag <emphasis> to mark Internet IP addresses (which are sets of periods and numbers that look like 209.204.146.22). The incantation uses Perl's text-substitution command with the regular expression

<emphasis>([0-9]+(\.[0-9]+){3})</emphasis>

to replace such tags with the appropriate <inet> tag, while leaving other uses of <emphasis> alone. In later chapters, you'll learn all the details of exactly how this type of incantation is constructed, so you'll be able to apply the techniques to your own needs, with your own application or programming language.

1.2.2.1. The goal of this book

The chance that you will ever want to replace <emphasis> tags with <inet> tags is small, but it is very likely that you will run into similar "replace this with that" problems. The goal of this book is not to teach solutions to specific problems, but rather to teach you how to think regular expressions so that you will be able to conquer whatever problem you may face.

Solving Real Problems

Knowing how to wield regular expressions unleashes processing powers you might not even know were available. Numerous times in any given day, regular expressions help me solve problems both large and small (and quite often, ones that are small but would be large if not for regular expressions).

Showing an example that provides the key to solving a large and important problem illustrates the benefit of regular expressions clearly, but perhaps not so obvious is the way regular expressions can be used throughout the day to solve rather "uninteresting" problems. I use "uninteresting" in the sense that such problems are not often the subject of bar-room war stories, but quite interesting in that until they're solved, you can't get on with your real work.

As a simple example, I needed to check a lot of files (the 70 or so files comprising the source for this book, actually) to confirm that each file contained 'SetSize' exactly as often (or as rarely) as it contained 'ResetSize'. To complicate matters, I needed to disregard capitalization (such that, for example, 'setSIZE' would be counted just the same as 'SetSize'). Inspecting the 32,000 lines of text by hand certainly wasn't practical.

Even using the normal "find this word" search in an editor would have been arduous, especially with all the files and all the possible capitalization differences.

Regular expressions to the rescue! Typing just a single, short command, I was able to check all files and confirm what I needed to know. Total elapsed time: perhaps 15 seconds to type the command, and another 2 seconds for the actual check of all the data. Wow! (If you're interested to see what I actually used, peek ahead to page 36.)

As another example, I was once helping a friend with some email problems on a remote machine, and he wanted me to send a listing of messages in his mailbox file. I could have loaded a copy of the whole file into a text editor and manually removed all but the few header lines from each message, leaving a sort of table of contents. Even if the file wasn't as huge as it was, and even if I wasn't connected via a slow dial-up line, the task would have been slow and monotonous. Also, I would have been placed in the uncomfortable position of actually seeing the text of his personal mail.

Regular expressions to the rescue again! I gave a simple command (using the common search tool egrep described later in this chapter) to display the From: and Subject: line from each message. To tell egrep exactly which kinds of lines I wanted to see, I used the regular expression ^(From|Subject):.

Once he got his list, he asked me to send a particular (5,000-line!) message. Again, using a text editor or the mail system itself to extract just the one message would have taken a long time. Rather, I used another tool (one called sed) and again used regular expressions to describe exactly the text in the file I wanted. This way, I could extract and send the desired message quickly and easily.

Saving both of us a lot of time and aggravation by using the regular expression was not "exciting," but surely much more exciting than wasting an hour in the text editor. Had I not known regular expressions, I would have never considered that there was an alternative. So, to a fair extent, this story is representative of how regular expressions and associated tools can empower you to do things you might have never thought you wanted to do.

Once you learn regular expressions, you'll realize that they're an invaluable part of your toolkit, and you'll wonder how you could ever have gotten by without them.If you have a TiVo, you already know the feeling!

A full command of regular expressions is an invaluable skill. This book provides the information needed to acquire that skill, and it is my hope that it provides the motivation to do so, as well.

Living With Pets May Protect Infants From Allergies

By Amanda Gardner

MONDAY, June 13, 2011 (Health.com) — Children who live with dogs and cats are less likely to develop allergies to those animals later in life, but only if the pet is under the same roof while the child is still an infant, a new study suggests.
Compared to babies born into cat-free homes, those who grew up with cats were roughly half as likely to be allergic to them as teenagers, the study found. Growing up around a dog reduced the risk of dog allergies by about the same amount for boys, but not for girls—a finding that mystified researchers.
Being exposed to pets anytime after the first year of life appeared to have no effect on allergy risk, however, which indicates that timing may be everything when it comes to preventing allergies.
Though they can’t say for sure, the researchers suspect that early exposure to pet allergens and pet-related bacteria strengthens the immune system, accustoms the body to allergens, and helps the child build up a natural immunity.

Related links:

• 15 Hypoallergenic Dogs and Cats
• How to Reduce Pet Allergens at Home
• What to Do If You’re Allergic to Your Pet

“Dirt is good,” says lead researcher Ganesa Wegienka, Ph.D., summing up the theory. “Your immune system, if it’s busy with exposures early on, stays away from the allergic immune profile.”
This isn’t the first study to find that having a household pet may protect kids from allergies, but it is the first to follow children until they were 18 years old.
Previous studies have had mixed results˜some have even linked pet exposure during infancy to an increased risk of allergy˜so it’s too early to recommend getting a dog or cat just to ward off allergies in your infant, says David Nash, M.D., clinical director of allergy and immunology at the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.
“In the end, we’ll probably find out that there are periods of opportunity when exposure to allergens, for some people, is going to have a protective effect,” says Dr. Nash, who was not involved with the new study. “But we’re a long way from figuring out who it’s protective for and when that optimal period is.”
By the same token, don’t give away your beloved family pet because you’re concerned the critter will provoke allergies. “I would not get rid of my dog if I was having a child,” says Wegienka, an epidemiologist in the department of public health sciences at Henry Ford Hospital, in Detroit. “There’s no evidence that you should get rid of a dog or a cat.”
Moreover, it’s possible that factors other than having a dog or cat in the house influenced the study participants’ risk of allergy. For instance, although the researchers took into account whether the children’s parents were allergic to animals, they didn’t ask about a broader family history of allergies or other health problems. So it could be that children who are genetically predisposed to animal allergies simply are less likely to grow up in homes with pets.
In the study, which appears in the journal Clinical & Experimental Allergy, Wegienka and her colleagues collected information from 566 children and their parents about the kids’ exposure to indoor pets and their history of allergies. In addition, when the kids turned 18, the researchers took blood samples and tested them for certain immune-system proteins (known as antibodies) that fight off cat and dog allergens.
The teenagers who lived with a cat during their first year of life had a 48 percent lower risk of cat allergy than their peers, and the teen boys who lived with a dog had a 50 percent lower risk of allergy. The authors suggest that infant girls may not develop the same immunity as boys because they may interact differently with dogs than infant boys, but that’s only a guess.

Never accept a gift

A contractor for business reasons, prepared to use a new  luxury cars to bribe a member.

But member not happy and  said: "Sir, the usual codes of conduct and my own basic sense of honor, do not allow me to accept the gift! "

Contractor said: "Sir, I understand the position you are in, so be it, the price of the car is 10 dollars I sell you . "

Members to consider for a moment, replied emphatically: "That being the case, I'll buy two. "

Flight not yet reached

One professors like to talk to a dirty joke in class, female students have a great view, they agreed to if the professor joke revisit next class, they all the collective leave the classroom , to protest. The next day, the professor in class say a story: "I heard the strike of paris prostitutes,prostitutes buoyant......" His words have not finished, female students have stood up, ready to withdraw from the class. Professor look anxious and shout: "Wait! on the next flight to paris is 6 o'clock tomorrow morning. "

ugly girl

An ugly girl boat to cross the river with the monk, the monk inadvertently take a look at the ugly girl, ugly girl immediately lost his temper: "Bold bald, broad daylight   dare to peek women! "

Monk listen and scared close eyes quickly. Ugly girl find that, more angry: "You looking at me  and i not say, dare to  close your eyes and  in your heart think me! "

Monk can not reason with her, twisting his face into other side. Ugly girl have reason not forgive people, hands akimbo, yelle: "You think there is no face to see me, goes to show you a guilty conscience! "

Hope

The football match is about to begin, and a newspaper reporter go to before one player who are doing pre-match preparation activities, and request him to talk to the enthusiastic fans about game hope.

The player think and say: "When I take the ball smoothly across each other's defense , rush to the goal area when ready to shoot, I hope the other goalie fell to the ground suddenly cramp. "

Really a bit cold, but also some peep

One man went to his family doctor, he asked:"doctor, I will to get married, but i and my girlfriend is the first time, you can tell us how to do?" doctor watching he grew up,and hear this question feel a little uncomfortable then looked outside and said: "Look over there,you see the park there are two dogs ? see what they are doing it? followed do it at the home." Two months later, they met again, the doctor asked:"how about sex life? man replied:"very well,but really do in the park is a bit cold,and there are some people peep."

Misunderstood by beauty

Xiao Ming went to school, his classmate asked:

Why do you have such a big black eye?

Xiao Ming: Not black eye ! was hited on the bus!

Students: beaten up? ! Whom to beat? Why did he fight you?

Xiao Ming: I see a girl's shirt was wrinkled on the bus, and I help her straighten,and the result is she hit me!

Students: what about another eye?

Xiao Ming: I want to say bad things happen to good people,so i help her get back to the wrinkled, not do that well, she hit me a punch!

Students:...

Educational opportunities

Mr zhang attention a beautiful girl with long hair in the elevator,still stare, Mrs. Chang was very upset, and suddenly; the girl turned around and gave mr zhang a slap in the face and said: "I teach you next time don't pinches girls . "

When the couple out of the elevator,mr zhang was feel very puzzle: "I ​​did not squeeze her!"

"I know, " Mrs. Chang said, "But I pinched her. "

boring day

I'm a cashier,this afternoon my colleagues take a thousand dollars deposit to me which is customers pay for the morning.When use cash registers i find there more than two hundreds, my colleagues also see this.My colleagues say that customers do not know more two hundred dollars, simply we each one get one hundred.
I say no, have returned to the customer,should to be honest.
Then my colleagues speak up: Actually, I was deliberately testing you, as you are good.Put two hundred dollars off. . .
Beginning not to think about, and now think he is not boss,why test me.

we are all the same

a famous heart surgeon's motorcycle broken, to the repair shop after a  check is the engine bad , a skilled mechanic remove the engine and installed well, said to thedoctor : "The engine is the heart of motorcycle, and we are all the heart repaired, but why so big income gap? "
Doctors thought and said to the mechanic: "You try the case without stop and repair it. "

marriage quotes

1, marriage and driving require licensing. Need a license to drive; marriage require marriage certificate.

2, marriage and cars need to run. New car glossy surface, but the internal mechanical not smooth , need to be polished; the beginning of the marriage need two mutual understanding, mutual tolerance, mutual adjust.

3, marriage and cars need maintenance. Car for long periods of maintenance,if not will turn off and strike; marriage for long periods of maintenance,if not will break down break.

4, marriage and car will finds fault with others. Open high-end cars will be envious by drive the broken car; happy marriage will be jealous by unhappy people .

5, marriage and cars are consumables. Driving in a long time, performance is getting worse, it can not open, you have to discard; marriage go for a long time, it will inevitably encounter problems, it can not continue to go out, you have to divorce.

6, marriage and cars and in a contact with the red light. Can not drive through a red light; marriage fear the red light district.

7, marriage and cars have weaknesses.Car fear of a mistake oil; marriage fear into other one.

8, marriage and cars need to concentrate. Must concentrate on driving,otherwise car crash,marriage can not be desert, otherwise you will way Of difference.

9, marriage and cars are safe havens. Car garage call safe haven; marriage harbour called home.

10, marriage and cars need fuel. Vehicle fuel is called petrol, no gas can not move; marriage of fuel call love, no love, marriage can not work to the old.

An elderly couple's date

An elderly couple talk about their youth, memories of the distant past,very excite , so they decide to do as young as they do.Decided a days to the river to dating.
That day, father pluck flowers, came to the river to wait, wait long and has not see the old lady, the night was coming, and he have to return home, to the house he saw his wife lying in bed covered with sheepskin coat.
Father cry: "how dare you  fail to keep an appointment? "
Old woman bury her face in the pillow,shy and say: "My mother not let me go. "

Buddhist monk

Hill has a buddhist monk, and he shelter a 8 years old monk. Mountain is very high, both teacher and student practice in the top of the hill, never down.
After 10 years, they down the mountain, the young monk see cows, horses, chickens, dogs, do not know. Zen master teach one by one: "This is called cattle,can plow; the horse, can ride; the chicken and dog could herald the time and guard the entrance. "
A moment later, there is a pretty girl walked. Monk asked in surprise: "What is this animal?"Jackson was afraid he moved worldly, scare and said: "This is called the tiger, man close to it, must be killed and eat, not even bones left. "
Back to the mountains at night, Jackson asked: "Do you remember that you see today? " the young monk replied: "do not remember the other, but I miss that man-eating tiger. "

prisoner mistreatment and laywers

1, guard comfort Condemned: Do not be afraid, very strong current quickly, without pain.
Then came the screams from a torture chamber.
Condemned trepidation: What was that?
Guard: power failure, they replaced the candles

2, two long-lost old friends met in the street, one on crutches. "how do you? "
Another asked with concern. "I met a car accident six months ago. "
"So serious, it is also used a cane! "
"The doctor thought can be lost, but my lawyer think that not. "

student jokes

1, a young female students into the Professor's office room, she quickly shut the door, pleading  said: "I ​​am willing to do anything, please do not fire me... "
She close to him, thrown light hair, with a meaning look  his eyes.
He looked at her back: "Anything? "
"Anything!!"
His voice softened: "Anything? "
"Anything!!!"
He softly said: "That you will... hard to study it? "

 

2, one day our teacher teached two classes together,after one section finish,there no one to clean the blackboard, the teacher see that at section 2, very angry and asked: "why  student on duty not  to clean the blackboard? "
Then a voice said confidently: "those who created pollution who clean! "

 

intriguing joke

1, a people like vegetarian steamed stuffed buns,one day he found the price of it had rise,asked boss , "why risen vegetarian steamed stuffed buns? "
The boss said: "Because the meat go up. "
The man asked, "rise prices of meat, why vegetarian steamed stuffed buns rise? "
Boss laughed: "the chef he would eat meat! "

 

2, a sister by train went home , is very crowded, ah, she was hungry, look at the crowded aisle sudden inspiration, then  carried box of instant noodles, walked and shouted: "Be careful the hot water ", then unobstructed.
A few minutes later, the sisters face the same route, carried box and said:"Here, this time really boiling water! Really hot water!"

 

Drink joke

1,a husband drunk,went home late, always scolded by his wife.
One day, he came back much later than usual, and he carefully took off his shoes at the door,then crept to the child's cradle, humming a lullaby,and pushed the cradle.
His wife listened his voice, asked: "What are you doing?"
"Oh, you really not well!" He blamed his wife, "how do you become a mother? Child crying for over an hour, crying tired. I have rocking him."
"Are you kidding?" Said the woman, "The children have been sleeping on my side more than two hour."

3, An alcoholic met a friend, to pester to go to the friend's house to drink.
Friend said: "My family is too far."
"Never mind,not more than twenty or thirty miles."
"My family is very narrow, not well to hospitality."
"Can have a place to open my mouth just ok."
"My family did not have glass."
"I used to drink a whole bottle!"

general and adjutant

The general and adjutant ready to veterans, generals said to adjutant: "We can come to my home as steward! "
Adjutant: "Yes! general!"
General: "Tomorrow morning, as the army,at six o'clock wake me up on time! "
Adjutant: "Yes! general!"
The next day six, the adjutant come to the general's bedroom on time .  

Adjutant: "General! your time to get up! "
General very satisfied,feel back the troops.
general just want to praise the adjutant, saw the aide opened the quilt,patted general's wife on the ass! Shouted and patted: "The girl! morning, you should go back home!"

jokes about more to love

1, a lovelorn man to a friend's house, he said: "My girlfriend left me, and I didn't want to live."
Friends comfort: "Women are like clothes,want to take off to take off, what the big deal?"
Friend's wife just heard, angrily: "What? You give me say it again."
Friends smile apologetically, "My dear,I meanwomen are the pants, How can take off?"


2, a pair of lovers secretly talking.
M: You are the second happiest person in the world.
Girl: Why?
M: Because I have you, I'm the world's happiest people.
Woman: Well! However, I soon became the world's happiest people.
M: Why?
Girl: Because I'll be leaving you.

happy mother day:whenever the great maternal love

 maternal love

1, When go to school,mother said:when you graduate, mother will enjoy life.
Graduation,mother said:when you find a job,mother will enjoy life.
Work,mother said: waiting for you marry,mother will enjoy life.
Marry,mother said:when you give birth,mother will enjoy life.
Have a child,mother said:wait for your child grow up,mother will enjoy life.
Today's kids grow up, I said that you can enjoy a happy life, the mother said. . . . Heaven is very happy.

2, he go out battle, and before leaving,mother said:my child you should remember the way to home. He go to a strange city, with superb investment perspective,earn the first pot of gold. Since then, business is booming, and no one do not know his name in that city . New Year, the mother call him to come home to eat dinner, he always quibble busy. Because of his wrong decision in a business, make him bankrupt. He was force to go home. Mother just said: Just remember the way go home.

jokes about professional weight loss

1, "you have to lose weight!" The doctor advised the patient: "Now your occupation?"
"swallow the dagger in the circus. "
"You have to go on a diet,change it and swallowing needles from tomorrow, but not more than five a day. "


2 Before meal and after meal
A fat find doctor for weight loss drug. The doctor said: "You should drink tea. "
"I drink almost every day. "
"You should take more exercise, less sleep. "
"I only sleep three hours, most of the time in sports. " fat seriously said.
Doctor anxiously: "Well, you only eat a piece of bread every day, and will definitely lose weight. "
Fat man happy and said: "Great!, however, is to eat before meals or after meals? "

jokes about understand life

1, the difference between education
How do braised in meat?
Undergraduates that put the meat into pot and add something can cook;
Graduate student said that this is not enough,have to write how much meat, how many other ingredients, how to cook, and how long to cook;
After a month, Dr. write out a book called "how do braised in meat"to open the directory, "the first chapter, how raise the pig. "


2, the life, there are many fleeting, like a farewell at the station, just hugged each other ,suddenly already respectively. In many cases, you do not know, I do not know too,so,spoke to has changed,listens to tired, tired of watching, follow along slow, walked on scattered, love to light, and think let it pass.