quack jokes

1, Jack meeted John and his wife in the street, Jack asked: "John,how the clinic you go to the treatment of amnesia last month,?"
John replied, "Great, where doctors taught me a most advanced memory,I was now very different then before!"
Jack said excitedly, "Holy! The clinic What is the name?"
"Call ... ..." John thought much after,but not remember, he suddenly shot forehead, and asked Jack, "that what many thorns of flowers called?"
"You mean rose?"
"Yes, that rose!" Then John turned to his wife: "Rose, you tell me,,what the clinic name which I went last month?"

2, a patient called the doctor to see a doctor appointment date.
He replied: "I'm sorry, sir! Latest week can not be arranged."
Anxious patients, said: "I may have been dead a week later!"
The doctor said: "Never mind, let your wife come to the phone, I can cancel the reservation."


3, the patient: "your hospital's food so expensive, are the main purpose is to make money?"
Doctor: "do not make money why open canteen?"
Patient: "To earn money, you can make the food better!"
Doctor: "You come to the hospital to eat or to take medicine?"

couple jokes

1, the husband said to his wife: "I think our relationship can be developed to the next level. "
Wife laughed: "Fool, we are already married, given birth to two cute little baby, what the next phase?"
Husband: "Divorce. "

2, the neighbor asked the gambler's wife: "Your husband went to the casino last night, how the outcome? "
"When he went to drive car as worth $10,000;when back sat car that value of $ 100,000."
"Oh! he win. "
"No,drive our cars when he go;go home bus ride. "

love life trigger cold jokes

love life

1,one day his girlfriend complained again: "You see my friend bought a diamond necklace gave his girlfriend. We love so many years,what you have bought to me?"
I: "Rest assured, I will work for you, and soon I will buy a luxury beach house, buy a lot a lot of jewelry, as well as sports car ... ..."
Girlfriend: "Fool,rob bank you will in jail ."

2, "Spanish women are good at using the eventail express their feelings, a woman with a eventail cover up the lower half of her face,looking at you,means asking you: Do you like me?" A lady see this message, the next day came a man's home and open the eventail, cover bottom half of the face, innocent eyes, looking at her prince charming.
Who knows, the man immediately awkward stood up, muttered: "I'm sorry,my halitosis damn it!"

camping jokes

1,battalion commander to check the situation of camouflaged artillery. He saw several soldiers crawling under a bush, it seems looking for something.
"What are you looking for? " battalion commander asked.
"Report battalion commander, yesterday we disguised artillery too well , and today we could not find them. "

2, the captain of a soldier said: "Why are you drinking? If you do not drink, has been promoted to sergeant long ago! "
Soldier: "Sir, I drink to feel like I was colonel!"

3, several soldiers poured the wine in the teacup,hided in the dormitory to drink. Senior officer comes into the room, and asked: "What do you drink?"
The soldiers replied: "Water. "
"What water? "
"60-degree water. "
"Why do not drink boiling water?Drink no open water and what to do if you hurt your stomach? "

students laughing

1, an old president,lecture to the students. After a few hours, the principal wake up when he said: "I feel very strange, why each finished layer of meaning, have heard two-wave-style applause? Later, after careful observation, finally understand,reason is to from the applause of those who listen, wake dozing, so causing a second wave of applause.So students are my observation is true? " President just said that finish, the audience roared with laughter, also two-wave-like applause. At this time, the principal also laugh. His laught drew the third wave of applause.
2, mechanical engineering, electrical professionals and computer science students to travel by car, the car suddenly breaks down, three people get off and check. Mechanical engineering students: It seems there is some engine problem. Electrical students: also a little leakage. They all looked at computer science students: how do you see? Computer science students: a little problem, system halted,and restart!

smarter children

1, the teacher:Why test was so bad?
student 1:Glasses degree not enough ... ...
student 2:My neck have sprained .
student 3:Front classmate is too high.
student 4:Next classmate write with a pencil,i can't see clearly ... ...
Teacher:Student 5 what about you?
student 5:As i sat among the four of them ... ...

2 son was wounded by student,and his mother let him take a piece of cake to gave students to show friendly.
The next day, his son was wounded. Mother was very strange. Son said: "That guy also want cake. "

Justice, friends and couples cold humor

1, the judge: "When you steal, do you think about how your wife to do?"
Thief: "think, and the clothes shop have no woman clothes!"

2, one was beat up, Police rushed to the scene.
Police asked the beat up man: "Can you describe the appearance of the people who beat up you?"
The man grumbled and replied: "Of course,because of i describe his appearance and he beat up me!"

3, "business was all right?"Mr Li into his friend's clothing store asked.
"Say nothing, and terrible." Friend dejectedly said, "only sold one yesterday, and today is worse."
Li: "Can not sell one?"
Friend: "Today the customers who buy yesterday withdrew the clothes."

the country barber

In the country, a barber in a small shed and barber for people.A man who come to barber noticed that there was a dog always like to sit beside the guest chair, so he asked barber: "that is your dog?"
Master replied, "no, it is not my dog, I don't know whose dog, however, it would come every day."
"That you never feed it?"
"No."
"So why it come every day?"
"It is waiting to see if the ear off."

jokes for the boss

jokes for the boss

1, Towel director received a phone call.
"Your  printed towel with the magpies pattern,is really lifelike! "
Director happily said: "Thanks you praise! How do you know it ? "
"I  wipe my face with a towel, magpies flew out of my face immediately. "

2, the boss found the office security door was problem, he ran to the nearest neighbors which was a prison  for help, asked if anyone can get the lock open.
Soon, a guard brought a prisoner.prisoner turned the lock plate , listen to the sound, and opened the door easily.
The boss asked: "admiration, admiration, how much do I pay you? "
Prisoner said: "Oh ... ... I got $ 25,000 last unlock. "

a small joke that laugh

1, there was a young man to go blind date , the matchmaker told him: "The first       time met was more modest, do not let the girl embarrassed." After meeting both    men and women,they are very good impression of each other,the girl asked: "so    good condition as you, how willing blind date with me?" young man once modest    said: "Where,as I like this, how can a good girl fancy me?"
2, one panic ran in a restaurant: "Excuse me,aftern i eat lunch yesterday,          whether to stay an umbrella?"    "What kind of it?" The waiter asked.    "What kind of all right,i do not pay attention."
3, the side of the cinema,a beggar stand and weared sunglasses.    "The old lady, be good enough, my eyes could not see anything."    "You're blind, how know that I am the old lady?"    "Oh, sorry,I just instead of my blind friend."    "where your friends?" The old lady asked curiously.    "He went to the movies."
4, the wife of a famous poet, wearing a beautiful dress in the banquet,Someone       appreciation of the poet, said: "Great, your wife's dress today just like a       poem!" Poet shook his head replied: "is more than a poem,it cost me half of       the poetry of the royalties!"

boy ghost

1, this day, I formulate a special work schedule for my son: 7:10 get up, eat breakfast, go to school; lunch, lunch break,go to school at 13 clock; the evening meal, do homework, 20:30 sleep.Son read the work schedule, and said to me angrily: "You're not my father, the day will not let me to the toilet?"

2, one day, my mother took his son to the bus.he saw a cat with a little guy, he said: "Uncle,can you  give me a little kitty?"
The man smiling said: "No, the cat is too young,  also eat it mother's milk."
Son: "not afraid of that my mother have milk." Then, little guy turn to his mother said: "is it? mother."

the ultimate strategy under sparingly in high oil prices

1,  increased wheel atmospheric pressure, reduce friction.

2,  cleaning up the trunk to reduce weight.

3,  wear less clothes, shoes to choose smaller and faster:wear shirts do not wear vests.

4,  go to stool before drive, the best put a fart.

5,  so as not to drive after in the meal, especially a few people have had enough to sit in your car.

6  do not fill fuel to reduce weight.

7,  no use cigarette lighter, costs of electricity.

8, no open air conditioning,open window can ventilation and healthy and also fuel-efficient.

9,  refueling in the morning and evening,the later the better! Low temperature, oil plus much more.

10, keep a distance with the car, looking for a bigger car then follow, can reduce the air resistance.

11, the lights can not open will not open, can open late wil lopen late in night, able to use someone else's light to use.

12, drive and when not to listen to the radio and CD.

13, sold the car,buy a bike!

reporter joke

1, girls and boys arranged by marriage agencies, met in the park. They did not talk for a while, the girl got up to leave.
young man was very like girl, to see her go, and heart impatient and quick to ask why.
Girl: "Though you fine appearance, but belly empty."
Guy: "Who says my  belly empty? preceded to park eat western meal, drank three glasses of wine."

2, a reporter drunk to  newspaper office, aggressive asked why did not publish  his news release, and entanglement.
Good at dealing with problems of editor patient asked him to open the day's newspapers, and then asked: "You see there are still gaps in position papers published in your news?"
"No." Reporter replied.
"That is why there is no published reason."

indigenous people sell woven bag,a female dustman resignation, and carrot take the mud

woven bag

1 An island nation of indigenous people could make a beautiful woven bag, popular with tourists. an american bag businessman spended 3$ to buyed a bag and also ordered a thousand the same color of the bag, and asked the wholesale price. Indigenous replied, "only 4$ for each good, you know exactly do the same thing all day how series boring!"

2 Bank of female cleaners to resign on the grounds that bankers did not trust her. President replied: "why can you say that? I have the key to the safe everywhere disorderly put." Cleaning woman said: "yes, but a key not able to open safe."

3 A housewife buyed a big basket of carrots on the market. Carrots were fresh, with earth, but a little too much mud. The housewife carefully collected all the soil,unexpectedly a quarter of the basket. Then she returned to the market, back these soil to vendors and said: "I only buy your carrots, did not buy your soil, and these soil precious than the carrots. If you also sell these, to your children and grandchildren hands ,there is no carrot to sell it! "

training humor

1, a disruptive student, teacher sudden said, you shake the head, not hear the sound of water, is to see spark. We are a group of people did not react, the teacher smile and said, either water or a short circuit.

2, a person to a hotel for dinner, he tasted the fish and meat,quite a feeling to say: "I had known this meal, like a few days ahead of schedule." The hotel manager heard,glad to say: "your are a gourmet ! Our hotel it really first class." The man then said: "Thank you for saying! I mean is that if a few days ago, the fish and meat are fresh."

3,A famous pianist train to field performance. When she was resting in the box, practice fingering hand on the bed.
Reach station, the train later two hours, she blamed the conductor.
the conductor replied: "We stop on the road for two hours because the siren was from time to time alarm,but can not find who do that."

Profiteers joke

1  a boss to the police report: "a rogue posing as my salesman,earned $ 100,000 in the town,more than all of my employees earned on the customer. You must found him! "
"We will seize him, throw him into prison!"
"while locked? You help me find him, I want to hire him!"

2, in a restaurant, a passenger said: "Waiter, to show me your telephone book, I want to find address."
"I'm sorry, sir, We do not have telephone book, but i can show you guest book , you can find all residents of the city address from above."

3, a person worked 10 years in the bank,but still a staff. He was not satisfied with the job, trying to find a better job, but in finding a new job, he does not want to lose he present job, so he wrote out a letter to the top in bold writing: "Help I was a prisoner in a banks. "He sent the letter to several large companies, to request give him a job.
A few days later, a letter sent to banks in which the presidents hands. The second morning, the president please he to office and said: "I have good news to tell you, today you can be released from prison."

4, the grocer said to his wife: "Today you do not to go the next grocery store door to go shopping."
Wife did not understand: "Honey, Why is that?"
Husband said: "Because I am day borrowed the scale."

japanese nuclear accident level raise to 7

nuclear pollution insects

According to NHK television on the 12th, the Japanese ministry of economy nuclear safety security court decided the first nuclear power plant in Fukushima nuclear accident level is raised to 7. This level make the japanese nuclear accident as the same soviet nuclear accident of Chernobyl.
Japan is an island, why build so many nuclear power stations,only  simply power? We can see from the geographical of japanese ,it's very suitable to develop wind energy, ocean energy and solar energy, but why would like develop a high risk of  nuclear energy, this was because they wanted to develop nuclear weapons, to achieve the goal of militarism.
All the world, victims of nuclear radiation by japan should demand that Japan compensate the country and asked the IAEA to verification of all nuclear facilities in japan. Because it is the relationship between security and stability throughout the world, from they directly emissions nuclear waste water  to the sea can be see, they will not care about the safety of other country peoples and feelings, just by their own way.If all the world not care that and not against the develop nuclear , it will be nuclear disasters for all over the world.

funny sayings about marriage

1 The husband smoke, the wife is very angry.
Wife: "you don't quit smoking we'll divorce!"
Husband: "quit smoking, must quit smoking! Find a commemoration day, I must quit!"
Wife: "what time?"
The husband think and say: "that it february 30."

2 Wife pour the husband's beer,husband flew into a rage.
The husband say: "you want in trouble?"
The wife not fear him,because he have so much bad habits: "yeah, what happened?"
Husband: "first, we can PK!"
Wife: "you can't!"
Husband: "second, we can calmly reason."
Wife: "I don't want!"
Husband: "third, I acknowledge a mistake."

3 don't know what eat in the evening, the husband proposal throw coin.
Husband: "positive upward let's eat fish, face down we stir-fry vegetables."
Results coin thrown downstairs.
The husband say: "that we... would go out to eat."

4 the husband reach home with smelly sweat : "wife, give you a warm hug!"
Wife: "don't, you now give me hug may only hot, no feeling."

things to do at school

1 Nerve to declare to female students! And then leave your phone her, perhaps you can succeed."
"Well, I'll try!"
"How, how? Have results?"
"Do not know, she has not return my phone."

2 When go to school go other school to find friends for playing,because build roads so the street in front of the door locked. Had to turn the door to enter,when landing on the land does not feel right, why they all look at me? Gaze glancing and find a hole in the wall where not far from the door, everyone from the hole into the school. Heart big oops.look for students to play the second time, with experience, I straight to the hole enter the school,Looked up and discovered that was not consciously looking at me.the door is open!

3  the class has a sissy, one time when self-study one was laughing on his mother. He could not help but fire,stand up and shoot the man, shouted: "You have to say I'm a sissy, carefully mother I beat you!"

mental illness hospitals, fear of contamination and homeless people

1 one day suddenly heavy rain. Mental hospital patients are very happy to pick up towels, bath soap to bathe in rain.One mentally ill standing in a shelter and giggle. Dean asked him:'why do you not do? Mental patients smiled proudly and said: I am wait the water hot then do it.

2, the family sitting in a new car for joyride, and suddenly the car does not move, they braved the scorching sun and push the car, pushing a full two hours. Husband stopped and said: "I understand that car dealers what it means now." His wife wipe and asked: "What did he say?" "This car is very save oil, he said."

3, a man walked into a hotel,to a large glass of beer.the cup have a handle, he put on the cup,mouth on the handle side of the rim to drink. The waiter looked surprised and asked: "Sir, Why do you drink at this way?" "This place with a handle, most people will not touch his mouth to drink , so I would not infected with the bacteria." After a while, another man came in, have a glass of beer, he put on the cup,also outh on the handle side of the rim to drink. Waiter smiled: "Sir are you afraid of infectious bacteria?" The man said: "No, I am ill, fear spread to others."
4, a rich gentleman,walk on the road early morning .then came a homeless people, a gentleman very accomplishment, he asked: "Good morning!" "Good morning,why are you come so early?" "I just to see whether can promotion points for my appetite for breakfast." Gentleman then asked again: "what do you want to do so early?" "I've been out, see whether can find breakfast for my  appetite."

how peaceful settlement of Libya

Both sides have raised the understanding of the program, the other side are not acceptable, the final compromise might be: such as a major military defeat, the program will tilted to the winner. one side vanish this agreement will not appeared.
1 The two sides unconditional cease-fire immediately.
what is compromise: The opposition does not disarm, government forces do not withdraw surround,Gaddafi temporarily not step down,Gaddafi hand over part of the rights.

2 NATO not involved in negotiations, recognized by both national and local celebrities mediation.

3 the re-election of Parliament, Members by district and not by the control district, recognized by both international institutions, national, celebrity supervision. Election of the Prime Minister responsible to Parliament. And before election the prime minister execute the local self-government.

4 The two sides recommend the staff of the oil revenue oversight committee,the oil revenue net of administrative districts governed by the pre-war population, producing is well do a larger share.

5 The two sides must not interfere with local affairs troops, not purchase weapons. Costs allocated by the state, and local non-participation in military spending.

In the end,what do you think about how peaceful settllement of Libya,and I hope all the world is peaceful,everybody can do what their whant to do,but I know this is very difficult.I'm will pleasure that you can leave you comment in my blog,so I can learn more about the world.

about stepped on duck joke

3 women were killed in a car accident and went to heaven. When they got there, the angel of Peter said:"In heaven, we only have one rule - do not step on a duck. " confirmed that this three woman understanding,they entered heaven. Heaven was full of duck, duck was almost impossible not to step on.Although they try to avoid, but the first woman accidentally steps on one. At this time,Peter immediately got a looks very ugly man who this woman had never seen before came up to her,tell her: You stepped on a duck and punishment is to remain with the ugly men chained together.

The next day, another woman, inadvertently stepped on a duck. Then Peter again with another very nausea man came up to her, as the fate of the woman before. Peter took the second woman to the ugly men chained together.

The third has been found that the results of this cruel,and she did not want to always be chained with an ugly disgusting man. So she was very, very careful of her footsteps,she had stepped gingerly and not stepped on any duck, in the case of that she safe a few months. But one day,  Peter came in front of her, and with an unprecedented super handsome man. This man is not only tall, sturdy and beautiful long eyelashes.Peter chains them together and  did not say anything. The woman asked the man chained together with her:

"I am wondering why i can chain together with you?"the man said: "I ​​do not know how your situation, but I stepped on a duck. "

Star doll

A taxi driver working in the taxi trade. One day in the middle of the night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by dark,suddenly he saw a building in front of wasteland , lit the dim light. He is strange that, when such a building in the side of the road,then  a lady waving to sit in his car to go home,when the young lady on the car, he took the door off and began driving, after a while, He felt very strange, why the young lady did not speak, and he looked back in the mirror, where are young lady, just a star doll sat there,he was scared to death, grabbed the doll and thrown out of the window  after he go home and had serious illness for three months ... ...

After disease is cured, he returned the taxi trade to job, his colleague said to him: "You're not mean, there a beautiful young lady complained that she was on your car at last time, and she just had her star doll throw in, you put the doors locked up and drove off. "

Flowers

China is a country to spend many flowers around the globe, of which most people like plum blossom and peony.

Plum is a Chinese specialty flowers, has at least a thousand years of cultural history. More than two thousand varieties. Plum is divided into five, the ancients said to be happy, happiness, longevity, well, a symbol of peace.plum's flowering is very long, into the winter, not afraid of cold plum, still erect. Plum color, elegance, posture vigorous, flowers soak into the depths. So the Chinese people's temperament and spirit of plum, a symbol of character and sentiment. People often "pine, bamboo, plum" as the "Three Friends of Winter", the "plum, orchid

, Bamboo, chrysanthemum, "collectively the " four gentlemen."seen Plum and people's lives, cultural traditions and customs are closely linked.

China's Qing Dynasty, once the peony as the national flower. Peony is China's specialty. It is colorful, rich and chic, the "king of flowers"in the world . Peony is also a fear of civil power transfer story. Year winter, swim in Chang'an Tang Dynasty Empress Wu after the Court, he had ordered flowers open at the same time to help fortune. Only Peony not open. But, as the Empress Wu was furious, burning peony, peony bloom is very bright.the meantime, watch as many as hundreds of thousands more. Existing four hundred varieties of peonies.